SPOG FOR PRESIDENT: 2012

Getting to know Spog a little better.

Many people have been wondering, "Yeah, Spog's policies are sound and his arguments are airtight, but can his ideas hold up to thorough scrutiny?" Others admire Spog's superior charisma, charm and overwhelming leadership abilities but want to know more about his vision for our country. Well we're hoping to answer those questions and more with this interview.

Q. First of all I'd like to thank you for your time.
A. STOP WASTING SPOG'S TIME! Vermin! First question!

Q. What do you think of the separation of church and state?
A. Pray! Go on! Pray! See what good it does you! Mwahahahahhaha!

Q. What is your stance on abortion?
A. I believe ALL life is delicious!

Q. What is your position on gun control?
A. Your weapons are useless against me!

Q. Now I understand that…
A. YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING! NEXT QUESTION!

Q. Some of your opponents…
A. WILL BE DEVOURED! NEXT QUESTION!

Q. Well I think…
A. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!

Q. …
A. I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

Q. Please, sir!
A. Oh. Excuse me. All in due time. Yes?

Q. What are your plans for foreign policy?
A. War! WAR! WAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!

Q. …Can you elaborate on that?
A. We will use force to resolve these issues where we can.

Q. What issues are you referring to?
A. OTHER COUNTRIES! NEXT QUESTION!

Q. But diplomacy…
A. Why do you insist on INFURATING SPOG! ILL ADVISED! Worm!

Q. …How about immigration?
A. As I've already plainly said, I believe ALL life is delicious.

Q. Ok, how about the economy then? And jobs?
A. We will focus on war. Everyone left over will build monuments to my greatness. The rest, of course, will fall into place.

Q. How about taxation? What will be your policy there?
A. By the time I'm done taxes will be the farthest thing from your fragile little minds!

Q. Family values?
A. Yeah. Sure. Go ahead and do that.

Q. Patriotism?
A. WORSHIP ME!

Q. Big government?
A. Don't worry. You won't even recognize it when I'm through.

Q. So you're for smaller government then?
A. I SAID DON'T WORRY!

Q. Education?
A. Yeah, yeah. Vote for me.

Q. Corruption?
A. Vote for me.

Q. Crime?
A. YOU HAVE BORED SPOG TO TEARS WITH YOUR INCESSANT RAMBLING! VOTE FOR SPOG!

Q. …
A. SHUT UP!!!