SPOG FOR PRESIDENT: 2012

The History of SPOG (Chapter 2)

Antarctica

"All shall perish under their eight legs of liquefying fury!"
- unidentified assailant, 8 A.S. (circa 1978)

In the post-Vietnam era, rumors of Spog gnawed at the collective subconscious. Many institutionalized war vets rambled on in delusional trances about Insectoid, Skull Dog, Locust Baby, Tank Bear, Project CrapCo, Simpley the Butcher, etc. Unable to put a face or a name on the abstract menace, many assumed that they had gone mad (as some perhaps had). The project itself remained so highly classified that the few legitimate inquiries into SPOG's existence resulted in the sudden disappearance of all parties involved.

SPOG's legacy was so enshrouded in secrecy that it became the sole province of conspiracy theorists, madmen and anyone else so lacking in credibility as to be not worth killing. Ultimately the only people left to speak of it were the sort who could only hurt a case for SPOG's existence. This worked out nicely for a time, until a completely unknown factor came into play.

In the culmination of 80 years of folly, a man by the name of Gilmore Scrotland IV completed his father's legacy by crashing into the Antarctic coast in 9 A.S. (circa 1979). In keeping with tradition (and perhaps genetics) he had completely failed to account for the harsh conditions ahead. He commanded full speed south, "South! South until the Antarctic rips you bitches wide open!" And thus they plowed into the icy barrier.

Within 4 seconds of landfall a downward spiral was in full effect. Cannibalism immediately ensued, then the chilling grip of frozen reality set in. Seeking refuge, Scrotland and his last surviving compatriot found themselves in an underground nuclear waste dump where they came across an iron box. A skull and crossbones were carved into the lid and the words "DO NOT OPEN. NO NO NO," were written on it with a grease pen. This went unnoticed however, and his last folly in that inhospitable wasteland was to fatefully and fatally unleash SPOG back unto the earth.

Henceforth Spog ruled Antarctica with undisputed mastery (his customary style of rule). As the only permanent resident of any importance, Spog declared this arrangement a democracy. To seal the deal, immigration was banned. Henceforth all visits to the continent became illegal on pain of death, with exceptions being made at Spog's discretion. To this very day Spog's claims to the region are the only valid ones.

In less than a year of personally collecting taxes and exacting much needed justice Antarctica was well in order. Over the course of this time Spog herded a significant portion of Antarctica's penguins into the nuclear waste dump for special training. Spog honed the dumb beasts into an elite militia of bloodthirsty mutants through an intense combination of radiation and military exercises. Hand picking the best and the brightest, Spog then formed an uber-elite inner circle, which he ordered to consume the weaker members. This was done and thus Spog's LEGION OF SQUAT was spawned.

Spog promised cybernetic enhancements for all and entrusted unto them the affairs of the Antarctic state until he could return with the necessary technology. Spog then "taxed" a boat from the loyal remnants of an Argentinean outpost and headed north to fulfill his many obligations.

See Also:
Dossier: Antarctica
80 Years of Folley (prequel): Sir Gilmore Scrotland III
80 Years of Folley (sequel): Gilmore Scrotland IV
The History of SPOG (chapter 1): Vietnam