SPOG FOR PRESIDENT: 2012

Your fake economy is no match for Spog!

It has come to Spog's attention that your feeble markets flail about a like a little girl. This will be corrected via the following steps.

1. Every economic "expert" and "analyst" will be put to more useful work. The most public and professional "experts" will be reassigned to "help" our enemies. The rest will build monuments to Spog's greatness. Spog will tend to American finances personally and therefore correctly.

2. There will be no reward for failure. Failing institutions and people will be cannibalized and/or buried. The guilty will be forbidden to smile, ON PAIN OF DEATH. Failure is of NO USE to Spog. It will not be preserved.

3. The Fed will be replaced by Spog's personal attention to all economic matters. See step one.

4. Psychology is everything. Speculations and opinions will be left to Spog. Spog will publicly destroy any and all naysayers with his bare hands.

5. You will be precisely as prosperous as instructed. It will be prescribed in unheard-of amounts. Faith will be restored.

6. All current and all possible future wars will be promptly won with a vulgar display of power so sickening that it must remain classified until unleashed. This has nothing to do with the economy per se but it is worth noting.

7. You're welcome.